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Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago this month I heard the words, “I have the diagnosis. It is breast cancer.” The next morning’s scripture reading found me in Psalm 111:

“Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart, in the company of the upright and in the assembly.” (Psalm 111:1)

Need I say I didn’t feel like praising God at that moment? I did not, not in the least! But I did praise God. It was hard, but I continued to praise God, through my tears and fears and thanksgivings, for the next year and a half of cancer treatments. That treatment included two surgeries, two sets of chemotherapy and the resultant heart damage, and finally radiation. I continued praising God through months of crying out to him in times of fear and in days of weakness.

To offer the sacrifice of praise to God in the midst of trials is to put into words our trust in him, for ourselves and others to hear.

After seven years of doctor appointments and tests every six months—and thousands of prayers prayed on my behalf—last month I heard the words, “Everything looks good. See you in one year.”

Though I understand full well there are no guarantees in life where health is concerned, cancer being no exception, this day, and each day God deigns to give me, I will step into Psalm 116 and speak from within it, my voice becoming the psalmist’s:

“I love the LORD, because he hears my voice and my supplications. Therefore I shall call upon him as long as I live. The cords of death encompassed me … then I called upon the name of the LORD; “O LORD, I beseech you, save my life!” Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate. … What shall I render to the LORD for all his benefits toward me? I shall lift up the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the LORD. … O LORD, surely I am your servant … you have loosed my bonds. To you I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and call upon the name of the LORD. I shall pay my vows to the LORD, Oh may it be in the presence of all his people … Praise the LORD!” (Psalm 111: 1-19, emphasis mine)

“Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving and pay your vows to the Most High; call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me. He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; and to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God.” (Psalm 50:14, 23)

“Through him (Jesus) then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to his name.” (Hebrews 13:15)

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Chapter 4: A Community of Support

“One of my best medicines is the family surrounding me …. For them all I am truly thankful. We continue to realize that coming out here to live with our children and be with the grandchildren was the right decision. The little ones keep us smiling.” (I wrote this in one of my blog updates during cancer treatment.)

It was over Christmas holiday with our sons and their wives and families that we had to tell them our news of my cancer diagnosis. Our sons and daughters-in-law expressed their desire to be a part of the whole process of my cancer treatment; they wanted to help as much as possible. They asked us to keep this in mind as we made the decision of where I would have treatment because their personal involvement would be impossible if we were a continent away from one another. Our home was in West Virginia, in the east, where we had lived for 12 years but our sons and their wives and families lived in southern California, where we had previously lived and where our sons grew up.

In the final analysis, after much prayer, thought and research, we decided to go to one of the premier cancer centers in the country which was also minutes from the homes of both our sons. Instead of our children being a continent away for us, we ended up a continent away from our own home and work in West Virginia, but in the right place for me to be for this long, difficult journey of cancer treatment.

A community of support is tremendously important to one in need, whatever that need might be. My need was physical; I needed good medical care. But I also needed loving support.  I got the best of medical care and the best of love and support from our family.

Not only did I have the best care from my husband, children and the added benefit of little grandchildren full of life and unconditional love; I had many, many friends who supported me by prayer. Some who lived far from me sent cards and gifts sometimes, too, just to encourage and cheer me during those long months of not feeling well, living under the cloud of cancer treatment. During a difficult stretch I wrote in my blog:

God has been good to me, to us. I have been bolstered by prayers and love from many people, and grace and peace from God. I admit I’ve had some emotional times the past few weeks but nothing earth shattering. I’ve learned over the years to rest in the Lord a lot more than I used to!

It was a great comfort and strength to me to have my best friend and companion, my husband Randy, at my side, helping me make decisions, yet not running ahead of me. Rather, he walked with me step by step. His love and support cannot be measured. It was and is much more than I can ever put into figures or words. Really, that is what love is all about. My cup overflows with blessing because of him.

Though I will not do other postings from this chapter on “A Community of Support,” in the published book I will share from my own experience what I have learned over the years about the importance of having a community of support around one, especially in times of need, with suggestions on building one if one doesn’t have such a support system in place. We are not designed by God to go it alone, we need others and it is never more evident than when we are in need because of some trial we are going through. I hope you will pursue these thoughts with me as I share them in the published form of my book, Brokenness to Beauty: Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Life.

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Focus and Perspective

Every morning I get my coffee, pull the chain on the antique floor lamp next to my recliner in the front room, and in its light turn to the next psalm in my reading. I make up my own schedule, move at my own pace. I’ve camped out in recent days in one psalm.

For several days the psalms had been starting out, “Praise the LORD,” “Shout joyfully to the LORD,””O sing a new song to the LORD.” It’s easy to focus on the LORD when the first words of the psalm point to him in such positive ways. This is what I need; the necessary prod. I have been convicted of my tendency to sit in the dark of my own thoughts, swirling streams of negativity. Yes! I, the optimist by nature, must wage the war of the mind, battle the downward pull of my fallen nature.

So I look hard at the words of the psalm and enter into them as I read. “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name” (Psalm 103:1, NASB).

I’ve read this psalm numerous times over the years. It is easy to read words but not enter into what they are saying. I enter in. I bless the LORD (YHWH). Words become life. My spirit is lifted up, beyond myself. Beyond my smallness and fallen-ness.

My focus is not myself and my troubles, those swirling, negative thoughts; even the legitimate burdens which I must carry. The eyes of my heart are focused on the One I am blessing (praising): the LORD. Every particle of my being begins to enter into praising God.

I love those verses, so familiar to us: “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1, 2, NASB). The psalmist was looking at the mountains on which Jerusalem sat, the location of the Temple of God, his dwelling place. He was going to worship God.

How often I have looked “up,” to mountains or clouds of the sky, and been instantly reminded of God, who made them. Mountains and towering clouds. Large in my vision; specks to the Creator God! He is above all, over all, sovereign!

Perspective.

Our focus in life, our focus in prayer, must be not our concerns and burdens and swirling negative thoughts and emotions. Our focus must be on the One who is above it all, ruling over all: the LORD God.

“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name.”

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–Prayer as Our Lifeline

(Though the chapter on Prayer has more to it that what I have posted, I will conclude this chapter with the following post. Then I will only a publish a couple more posts on the final two chapters of Brokenness to Beauty. Your feedback is valuable to me! Was this clear? Was it helpful? Leave your comment at the bottom of the page.)

 

Prayer is our lifeline, our direct line of communication with God the Father. Certainly we cry out to God when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take.  My suffering, for the most part, has been physical. Others have experienced rejection, abuse, loss of a loved one, economic uncertainty, persecution for their faith in Jesus Christ, or ________________.  Fill in the blank. Regardless of the trial, he is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is “abounding in lovingkindness” (Exodus 34:6, NASB), and he acts in mercy and grace towards us, hearing us when we cry out to him for he is the God “who hear(s) prayer …,” the One to whom “all men come” (Psalm 65:2, NASB). We can gain great comfort and confidence from this; comfort for our hurting hearts and confidence to come before him because we are learning how good and loving and kind he is, in the midst of our trials.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; who pardons all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle” (Psalm 103: 1-5, NASB).

Charles Spurgeon said, “Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers …”[1] Many times—daily—I cried out to God. Pain especially makes me vulnerable to tears. Fear has a similar effect. My default response is to pray, talking—often crying with tears—to God. To this day I work hard at holding it together emotionally in public, but in private, just me and God, I hold back nothing from him. I know I can unload my fears, my uncertainties, my anxieties, my tears on him and He will understand. He can take it. We are always accepted, never rejected. We can be vulnerable and open with the Lord for no one who comes to him in that way is ever rejected.

I also know he is the only one who can do anything about my hurts and fears. Having a friend or loved one’s shoulder to cry on, someone to hold our hand in the hard times, is important and immeasurably valuable, and I in no way diminish how important this is. But the truth is we dare not lean too heavily on any person. There is only One who can bear, and has borne, our sorrows, our pains: Jesus.  “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15, 16, NKJV). I take that literally. I lean hard on Jesus! He has never collapsed in fatigue. He has never failed to keep holding me together. He can and does work to change what I cannot change.

[1] http://spurgeononline.com/tears-are-liquid-prayers/

 

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–Prayer as Relationship

(Continuing on in the process of blogging my book Brokenness to Beauty: Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Life. I’ve been skipping through the chapter on Prayer, posting portions of it for you. I am convinced prayer is an important aspect of our lives, in both the good times and hard times of life. It is a lifelong learning process as well. I hope you will read on and come along with me on this journey of sharing my thoughts on prayer to encourage us as we go through the ups, and especially the downs, of life. Your feedback is valuable to me. Please leave your comments.)

Prayer is not about conjuring and magic. It is not about coercing God, or persuading Him to do something we ask.  Prayer is about relationship with our heavenly Father (Matthew 6: 9), the Everlasting God. He is the God who is Lord and Master over all. He is Sovereign and has the last say, not us. And like the loving heavenly Father He is, He knows what He has planned for us and others, and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things, because He does have a greater scheme of things. He acts out of who He is, for our good, and to accomplish His greater purposes. In prayer we seek His mind, that is, His will, for how to pray about things and people.

Oswald Chambers said, “Worship and intercession must go together, the one is impossible without the other. Intercession means we rouse ourselves up to get the mind of Christ about the one for whom we pray. Too often instead of worshipping God, we construct statements as to how prayer works….We hurl our own petitions at God’s throne and dictate to him as to what we wish Him to do. We do not worship God, nor do we seek the mind of Christ[1].”

Boy, that hit home with me. How often I have prayed that way, hurling my petitions at God, telling Him what I think is best, trying to convince Him to see things my way, mentally trying to work out the solution to the problem I’m asking God about. I wasn’t seeking the mind and will of God, I was trying to convince God of my will. Thankfully God hasn’t given up on me as a hopeless case! He has been patiently teaching me to pray over the years.

Prayer is about relationship, relationship with God. Prayer is not about demanding from God what we want, telling Him when and how to answer our prayers; it is about finding out what God wants to accomplish. What Chambers said about intercession (praying for others) holds true for prayer for ourselves. We must seek His mind, His purposes, as Christ did in the garden of Gethsemane.

[1] Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, (Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers, 1963),  March 30 selection

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–Prayer: just do it … but how?

For years I struggled with praying to God in a heartfelt, meaningful and appropriate way. I say appropriate because after all, I was coming to the Lord and Creator of everything, who is also my heavenly Father.  My heart yearned to communicate with God sincerely, yet I usually ended up feeling frustrated, feeling I was falling short. Though I had read the Psalms and other prayers in the Bible, I hadn’t picked up on elements of approaching God in prayer which were within those portions of scripture.

I remember when I was introduced to a simple way of approaching God, easy to remember, one that was rooted in the scriptures, called the ACTS of prayer (prayercentral.net) . You could use four fingers on one hand to remind yourself of the acrostic, which stand for the following:

 A is for Adoration. Approach God in humility, reverence and awe and worship Him for who He is. We learn about Him as we read and study the Bible. He is Holy and we must approach Him as such (Luke 11: 2).

C is for Confession. Sin acts as a wall between us and God, effectively blocking our prayers (Isaiah 59:2). We need to be sensitive to God’s Spirit on a daily basis, as He speaks conviction to us, and confess and repent of all known sin as soon as we are aware of it (I John 1: 8, 9). That way, communication with God remains open.

T is for Thanksgiving. The greatest acceptable sacrifice we can make to God, along with laying our lives at His feet as a living sacrifice, is that of thanksgiving and praise (Hebrews 13: 15).  Our prayers are to be seasoned with them.

S is for Supplication. This is the part we normally think of as prayer: asking God for something (Luke 11: 9, 10).  Our requests must be couched in the reverence and worship due God, seeking first His will in the matter, purged of known sin through confession and repentance,  wrapped in trust and infused with thanksgiving.

The disciples of Jesus apparently had feelings and experiences with prayer similar to mine for they asked Him to teach them to pray:

“Now it came to pass, as He was praying in a certain place, when He ceased, that one of His disciples said to Him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.’

So He said to them, ‘When you pray, say:

Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us day by day our daily bread.  And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’” (Luke 11:1-4, NKJV)

In this prayer we can see quite well the elements of the ACTS of prayer: Adoration, Confession, and Supplication. Though Thanksgiving is not obvious in this prayer, thankfulness is clearly taught throughout the Bible in such passages as:

“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.” (Psalm 100:4, NKJV)

“[D]o not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7, ESV)

Another is:

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were called in one body; and be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15, NKJV)

The scriptures are full of psalms and prayers and from them we can learn the proper manner in which to come to God, and what to pray for. We need to look for and carefully study them as we read our Bibles.

Practice coming to God in a way similar to prayers in the Bible, psalms and the way the simple ACTS acrostic teaches us. This is not formulaic prayer, it is prayer learned from God’s word itself. This type of approach to God is what I am trying to learn and do. It has been working for me, guiding me into the presence of God in a manner worthy of Him. There are other similar, biblical approaches to prayer. Find one which resonates and use it. They are only means to an end: Prayer— just do it!

 

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–Personal Petition

Do prayers affect outcomes? We wouldn’t pray if we didn’t believe they did. From the testimony of scripture and my own personal experience, I can say with absolute certainty, yes, prayers make a difference. I whole heartedly agree with James when he said:

“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again.” (James 5: 16-18, The Message)

Praying for Oneself

            “Prayer is weakness leaning on omnipotence.” W.S. Bowd

As I drove away from the doctor’s office yesterday I felt like crying. And I did a little. I had just been to the cardiologist who gave me the results of three heart tests I had done two weeks ago. I already knew I have irregular heartbeats and was put on …          medication but the tests also showed my heart is weak and functioning at 35 % [ejection fraction] rather than a much higher percentage. So I was also put on another heart med .… So I felt my throat tighten up and I silently cried out to the Lord as I drove away …. My cardiologist said she doesn’t know if the weakening of my heart is related to the chemotherapy I received (there are two drugs which I did receive that can cause heart problems). Before my cancer surgery last February I had heart tests done and they came back normal. My current test results are being sent to my oncologist …. I am not overburdened with this news but I am saddened. A feeling of mild sadness lays on me. I think it is similar to what the psalmist may have felt sometimes when he would say, “How long, Lord?”  I really can’t describe my feelings. I only know how I respond to my feelings, and that is to cry out to God, who hears. Sometimes I don’t even have words; I don’t even know what I am feeling to be able to form words. But that is ok, because he listens to my heart. I don’t need words. He gives me peace. I am praying and asking God to heal me of these conditions, strengthen my heart and regulate the beats. (http://jacquesjourney.blogspot.com/  brackets and emphasis mine).

Somewhat different from intercessory prayer which focuses on praying for others, is prayer for our own selves, asking God about things which are dear to our hearts or for needs which are sorely felt. How often I have cried out to God for myself!

“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time—waking and sleeping. It does not change God—it changes me.” Attributed to C.S. Lewis.

I pray.

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–Different Types of Prayer

In its simplest terms prayer is talking to God. There are many different kinds of prayer [1], and though this is by no means a treatise on the subject, I will touch on a couple types of prayer for my purposes here: Intercession and Personal Petition.

Intercessory Prayer

Thank you many times over for your prayers of faith for me, and Randy. Please don’t give up! (from my blog  http://jacquesjourney.blogspot.com/)

Intercessory prayer is praying for another person or group of people. It is coming to God on behalf of another.  Jesus, as our Great High Priest in heaven, has this ministry to us now, standing before our heavenly Father, speaking on our behalf, advocating for us (I Timothy 2:5; Hebrews 4:14, 15; 7: 24, 25). He is our perfect Advocate, like the very best courtroom lawyer. He lived here as a human and understands us perfectly, and because He always pleads for us according to God’s will, He is always heard[2].

The Spirit of God, who lives in those of us who trust Jesus for salvation, intercedes for us as well with groans that cannot be put into words (Romans 8:26). And of course, His intercession for us is done perfectly and according to the will of God because the Spirit of God knows what the will of God is (Romans 8:27).

So we, too, are told to intercede for others, praying to God on their behalf (I Timothy 2: 1-4; Ephesians 6:18, 19). In my mind I picture intercession this way: When I intercede for a friend I step between my friend and God and plead her cause, like a trial lawyer would do for his client before the judge. Of course, because my understanding is finite I must seek out the mind and will of God in the whole process. God’s knowledge is infinite; He knows what is best for my friend. Since my knowledge is limited I would just be guessing unless I ask the Lord for insight in how to pray for the very best outcome for my friend. Even in my uncertainty of how to pray for my friend, as I continue to seek His mind, I have the certainty that God will answer according to His will, for my friend’s good and His glory.

[1]  An excellent book on types of prayer is Richard J. Foster’s Prayer: finding the heart’s true home (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992)

[2] Hebrews 5:7-10; 4:14-16

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Chapter 3: On Prayer–The First Communicator

The scriptures often refer to God as loving, listening to, and blessing those who fear the Lord[1], who hold him in reverence and seek to live by His word. He is and always will be God—holy—much “other” than us. He is Creator, we are His creation. We must always approach Him in humility and with reverential fear. As the prophet Micah, in 6:8, put it so well, “He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”

We walk (live) before Him in humility and approach Him in prayer (talk to Him) with the same humility. Pride can’t coexist with humility, or with God! Oswald Chambers said, “only a child gets his prayers answered” [2] , and referenced Matthew 11:25, where Jesus thanked His Father for revealing His truths to children, not the wise and learned of the world. The truths of God are made known to those who have faith in and walk humbly with Him, like a child.

But who started the conversation?

God.

He has been initiating communication with mankind since He first created us. He blessed Adam and Eve, our first parents, telling them to have children and populate the earth. He gave them meaningful work, instructing them to be the overseers and caretakers of His creation, in fact, to rule over it; and He gave them the authority and provision to carry it out (Genesis 1:27-30).

Remember when God came to the garden when He walked and talked with Adam and Eve, the wind in the trees announcing His arrival? God was involved in their daily lives. Even after they ran and hid from Him because they had rebelled against the one thing He told them not to do—eat from the tree in the midst of the garden— He called out to them. God initiated communication. He desired Adam and Eve’s companionship and He desires ours as well. He likes being with us[3].

God initiated communication with us. He wants us to reciprocate. One way we do that is through prayer, in its many different forms.

[1] “The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever …” (Psalm 19:9); “Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men!” (Psalm 31:19)

[2] Oswald Chambers, ed. James Reimann, My Utmost for His Highest, ( Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers, 1992), October 17 selection.

[3]   Deuteronomy 30: 8-10; Psalm 18:19; Psalm 105:43

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Chapter 3: On Prayer

(This section begins Chapter 3 of the book Brokenness to Beauty: Transforming Your Brokenness into a Beautiful Life. One of the most important elements, in my mind, in walking through the dark valley of trials and suffering and coming out the other side whole and stronger, is communication with God. Therefore, I have written this chapter on Prayer. Not an exhaustive study of prayer, mind you, but things shared from my heart and experience of prayer. Again, I’m blogging portions of the chapters I’ve written, not the entire book. Send me your helpful comments.)

Chapter Three–On Prayer

 

Speak to Him thou for He hears, and Spirit with

Spirit can meet–

Closer is He than breathing, and nearer than hands

and feet.[1]

 

Prayer is as integral a part of my life as breathing. I cannot imagine not being able to pray because prayer is communicating with God; talking to Him in the ordinary days of life, sometimes crying out to Him with tears in the trying times of life.

One morning, as my husband and I sat on our porch to pray together, we waited in silence, enjoying the beauty of the day. We are no strangers to silence; we are comfortable with it. We quiet our hearts and focus on God as we come into His presence. We do not feel we have to fill the silence with our words. When we feel like saying something to God aloud, we then speak. That day we ended up not praying a word out loud, but we enjoyed that beautiful time in company with God, praising Him for the beauty around us, communing with Him in our spirits as though He was sitting on our porch swing with us—for He was with us. Jesus said, “where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18: 20, NKJV).

I like to think of God with us like He was early on with Adam and Eve. “They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool [breeze, wind] of the day…” (Genesis 3:8, NKJV). Though in this verse Adam and Eve ran and hid themselves from God because they had sinned against Him, I’m sure, based on previous verses, that prior to that day they had gone companionably walking and talking with God when He came into the garden to meet with them. In my imagination I see them eager to share their day’s experiences with God and to hear what He had to say to them.

I love the concept of hearing the sound or voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the breeze of the cooling evening as the sun was setting. They heard the familiar rustle of the leaves of the trees and bushes and knew God was coming for a chat.

We, too, can have such a relationship with God.

[1] Alfred Tennyson, “The Higher Pantheism” from The Holy Grail and Other Poems, (London: Strahan, 1870)